I’m tired. I’m usually tired after Easter, but it seems like I’m more tired than normal this year. There are plenty of reasons, even more than the regular demands and activities of a church musician during the Easter season. This winter brought a full load of family crises as well. Still doesn’t the reality of Easter bring new power to overcome the stresses of life? Both the good and the ill…and stress does wear both garments.
I believe in the resurrection. I believe that somehow, someway, Jesus overcame death and left an empty tomb. I believe that the resurrection did and does in someway change molecular structures–it’s more than just symbol. There are a whole collection of physicists, philosophers, theologians and other mainstream scientists who make the case convincingly and elegantly–Teilhard de Chardin, Max Planck, John Polkinghorne, Diarmuid O’Murchu ,and a host of others.
So why, believing as I do in a here and now resurrection, do I fight this post-Easter malaise? I feel less conflicted as I meditate on the post-resurrection experiences of Peter, who said “I’m going fishing,” and Thomas, who said “Touching is believing” and then did. Two points emerge:
1) Thomas had a tactile, flesh and blood encounter with the living Christ. I can too, in the sacraments and in every relationship I maintain.
2) Peter heard Jesus insist that resurrection is only about power insofar as that power springs from love, “Feed my lambs.”
So, a day or two off would take care of most of my fatigue, if I could find a day or two to take off (another psychosis for another time?) But, digging deeper into the reality of love is where the most profound experience of resurrection is to be found. I can love and be tired at the same time, even if it requires more effort. I can love, no matter what…and that love changes me, molecules and all.